I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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