Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
