Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
why is half of my head shaved?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
