During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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