Me too!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
