I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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