Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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