john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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