No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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