so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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