you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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