Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
