life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
