i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
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I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?