wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?