Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
