i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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