I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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