This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
