And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
