Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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