Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
