census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
