I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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