she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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