Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
high people should be assigned attendants
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
