I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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