You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
