Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sober January is a disaster.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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