Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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