normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
