So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
