this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
