Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
