I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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