Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My nipple is on Facebook.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
