The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
