On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
