Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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