This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
