i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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