nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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