Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
