While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
