My nipple is on Facebook.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
