i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
