would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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