Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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