I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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