fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
