so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
