watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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