my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
