Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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