his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
