he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
