When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
