I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
