Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just cropdusted the office
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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