About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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