I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
