So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
