we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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