i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
