You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
