is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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