it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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