she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
