You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So much rum. So many feels.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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