he puts the penis in happiness.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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