I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
