Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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