It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
