at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
