Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
