Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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