I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
