GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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