can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would ride that face into the sunset
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
