I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
