are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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