Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
